Alone..

sit alone in my room tears welling in my eye
i cant help but feel my life is passing me by
i cry cry and cry some more but nothing seems to work
all i am doing is upsetting myself and driving me bisurk
i dont deserve this life i dont deserve to be me
why cant i just rot alone or walk into the sea
no one sees me hurting or knows what to say
i thought i did myself proud for what i done today
being brave is very hard and not easy to come by
but now all i am doing is questioning myself and cant work out why
for world is just a big scarey place with loads of random people in
i feel like hanging from a tree having my bits dumped or binned
i love my family alot i do to the moon and back
but all i am to everyone is just a bit of slack
i wish i was normal so people may even want me
but no one seems to want me or take me as i be

If I Was Blind..

if i was blind i would miss the the face i look at before i sleep

but then these are the thoughts, the memories i would keep.

if i was blind i would miss the site of the fire glowing and burning

for missing the site i would end up yearning.

if i was blind i would miss the site of the stars up so very very high

the blackness and the dots of stars and planets up in the sky.

if i was blind i would miss the site of the waves crashing at sea

this memory would be the best one to someone like me.

if i was blind i would miss the site of my family smiling at me

the memories would last but dont know how long for you see?

if i was blind i would miss the television progammes that i like

although there aint much else on to watch on it

if i was blind i would miss the friends that bother with me

the ones that care the ones that worry about me.

If i was blind it would be a big loss, as i would have memories and things to remember for as long as i will live.

why are things difficult...?

why are things so difficult for me to be what i am
for now i seem invisible what happened to little old sam?
things have changed not for good but i guess for the worse
i feel as thought i have been hit with something maybe even a curse?
i am not well and i am not better i just keep going down hill
i am smoking so much more than i used to because it can kill
but i dont know why i try to do it when i scared and dont really want to die
its a stupid thing that is and i keep trying to ask myself why
but never can i find the answer to carry on and be myself anymore
i look and feel as thought i have been battling so many wars
that i just want to give in and let them people win now
i think of what i used to be and what i have become i hope i can go back some how
but for now this needs fixing and sorted so they can go back to what they used to be
i want to fit in i want to be free of this curse that has been placed upon me

For My Bunny My Best Friend

Nibbles (RIP 3.06.05 to 08.04.07)

Nibbles my lovely lil rabbit
why did god come and take you away
i miss you more each day,
why does things end this way?

it feels it was only yesterday i held you in my hands
i would bring u back if only i had a few magic wands
i am sorry i havent really said goodbye
i dont want to and i dont know why

you were the best friend a young woman could ever have!
no other rabbit or person comes close to what we had!
i talked to you as if you were human
although you never replied, but thats because you cannot talk!

i miss them little kisses you always gave us
it feels as thought i often feel you licking again
i hope u knew how much i loved you when i wasnt around
i know i should had taken you to preston, but i wasnt aloud

i still came back and you was always excited to see me
just wish you was still here so i can hug thee
your always in my heart and most certainly in my mind
thinking about you and the things we shared helps me unwind

i got you on the 3rd of june
i was so excited and lucky to have had you
thanks for being a great pal to me and my family
just a shame that we will have to miss you now for all eternity

Written 14th july 2007

this is a poem i wrote for my Bunny/Best Friend Nibbles, i got him when he was a baby and he sat in the palm of my hands.. he was tiny, dearly missed to this day..

This is Nibbles, i got him on the 3rd June 2005 just a few days after my 18th Birthday.

This is Nibbles bit bigger, a few months or so before he died

This is a video that i made of Nibbles's images, and used a song from Oliver & Company a disney film, admittedly about a cat, but the song was meaningful to me and Nibbles, as i said he was my best friend.

For My Nanny Lee (RIP 21.06.1940 - 06.03.1996)

wow 11 years have kinda flew by
all i seem to want to know is why
you left so soon without a proper goodbye
well now your safe up in the sky up so high

its a shame i dont remember much about you
but mum fills me in the bits that she knew
i was young when you had fell asleep and never woke up
but now i wish you was here to see me grow up

i know you are one of gods angel now
and i can seem to say is wow
i hope you found our kimberley up in the sky
and hope you are both looking down on us from up so high

you are always going to be my nanny lee
i guess sometimes things have to be
we all miss you and wish you hadn't left
but maybe sometimes we think it might had been for the best

goodnight gods angel up so high
when i look up at the stars i think of you in the sky
the sky is blue and the clouds are white
but without you blimey it bites!


written 25th june 2007

..I wrote this whilst i was thinking about my Nanny Lee.. although i dont remember much about her, i did my best! (i was 9 when she died)

Below are some pictures that i made with a website called Imikimi.

 

 

 

 

The Way I Feel

i feel lost and confused
empty and used
why you ask me
i havent got a clue
why things have to be this way
and tell me that everything will be OK?
why do people have to sit there and lie
but even though i ask that i will never know why
for most people are generally hurtful.

its annoying becaues i get lied to day in day out
and its always later on that it comes about
what have i done to people for them to be this way
and at times i feel i will never be ok!
for im scared to believe in a friend or a best friend
because the others in my past who drive me around the bend
i dont understand why people have to pick little old me
but then things are the way they should be?
why in life is there these pain in the arse obsitcles!!?

...written 15th august 2007 ...

This is based upon what i was feeling at this point in my life,