Why...

it all started today at almost midday
sitting there i was thinking "no way..not today"
but then it happened and it wasnt good
then all at once we were all in a mood!
i hate myself most of the time as it is
why am i here, whats the cause of my "bis"
i feel a disgrace and i feel so alone
i want to be cut me up and disposed of my bones
i dont want the world to see me
as i dont think that they'd believe what i used to be
i used to be fun and also a laugh
but when i think of that i wanna barf
crying makes me feel so much worse
and then i just want to sit here and curse
but i am not totally like that so i hide away
not just for now but at least for the day
i feel i dont have the best family in my life
maybe if i did i would be much funner and full of life
i know you cant choose your family but you can your friends
but it often makes me so made sometimes, and drives me around the bend
dont get me wrong i do love them all
but they make me feel bad and i wanna ball
but thats them and they wont change never
not now, tomorrow, the next day not ever
so i guess we have to deal with it on our own way
and leave each memory for just another day
but that wont happen really in a hurry
so for now we just have to run and scurry!
until the day that whats done is done
and until then noones won
we all have a life and we all have feelings
but it doesnt matter to keep us reeling
i dream of the day when we are all sorted
until then i feel like im haunted
im haunted by the past that i had
which is probably why i feel so bad!!!!
i always seem to smile on the outside
but you'll never realise im crying on the inside
so now you know the real me
so you can go on and be what you want to be
...written 21.08.2007...

this was based upon another row and feelings i was having at the time